The Leaving-Searching-Finding series finishes today with part eight. Here are the rest: one, two, three, four, five, six and seven. This has been a longer journey in writing than I anticipated, but my own search for a new church home has gone much quicker than expected.
55 weeks ago, I attended worship at my previous church for the last time. Almost a year from that day, I was accepted for membership at Harvest Presbyterian Church in Medina, Ohio. This coming Sunday, God willing, I will publically join with my new church family. My journey has been eventful and blessed, even though the road I traveled had its low and bumpy places. All thanks be to God for guiding me in the way He determined.
Enjoy your honeymoon, but be realistic
The church you’ve decided to join isn’t as perfect as it seems and it will become even less perfect after you join. (I know. Ha ha.) Sure, the sermons are a rich blessing of exegesis, the music is uplifting, Bible study is meaty and you even like the curtains in the hallway. The people you meet are friendly and interested in you and your family. But (you saw that word coming, didn’t you?) be realistic, you’re still on your honeymoon. You don’t know anybody well enough to have a disagreement yet.
It is important to enjoy and delight in this time in your new church. Revel in the Christian love and togetherness you have as members of the body of Christ and don’t forget this wonderful feeling. The happy beginnings of fellowship among your new friends will help carry you through times of difficulty and disagreement, if such times should come.
It really is somewhat analogous to marriage. In the beginning everything is peaches and cream, but after a while reality sets in and you realize your “peach” isn’t always soft and sweet. In fact, that peach can be kind of bitter and hard sometimes. If you really love each other though, you’ll find a way to work things out.
The future ahead of you now will be interesting, exciting, joyful and rewarding. Grow in Christian love for one another, remember to assume the best about everybody; be charitable in your relations with those you find scratchy. Friction can be overcome by a generous dollop of the gospel of peace. Count others as more worthy than yourself. Submit yourselves willingly to the leadership of the church even as they humbly serve you and your family. (1 Thess. 3:12, Prov. 15:1, Eph. 6:15, Phil. 2:3, 1 Pet. 5:5)
Leave your baggage at the door
This is my greatest struggle. I have more than 30 years of “luggage” from my old church and sometimes I still tote around a couple of small bags; sore spots that occasionally get bumped. I’m sensitive to people ‘marking their territory’ and to applause during worship that isn’t clearly directed at God. Thankfully, I think the days are over for me having to hear secular humanism preached from the pulpit and seeing tradition held in higher regard than scripture. Thanks be to God for that!
You may find that God gives you unexpected joy through your new church family in surprising places. For me, attending men’s bible study (even when there are only five or six of us) is vastly superior to having no bible study at all. You may find that struggling to keep a small gospel outreach going is better than having the elders tell you that it’s not important and you should just forget about it.
Keep yourself open to new ideas and activities. Praise God for every chance to grow closer to your brothers and sisters in Christ. Get to know some of the widows who always sit together on that one side near the aisle, and befriend a family with young children. Remember, you’ll be spending eternity with these people. Don’t limit yourself to those you are naturally comfortable with.
Going Back
In some rare cases, you might find yourself in a situation where you decide to return to the church you left.
If you left for biblical reasons, this may not be wise; unless there have been major changes while you were away. For instance, a friend of mine left his church because the pastor was preaching heresy and the leadership refused to challenge him. After my friend left, the pastor quit and they hired somebody new. When my friend returned to his church, the main problem he had was gone.
If you left for non-biblical reasons or over secondary issues only, you’re going to need to go back with your hat in your hand. You’ve effectively betrayed a solemn oath to be a part of the body of the church. This is cause for repentance. Start with your pastor or a trusted elder and explain to him the journey you’ve been on and why you wish to return. Be sure to apologize for any hurt you may have caused.
I still feel drawn to go back to my old church and try to fix what was broken there. I still have affection for the people I left and it saddens me that many of them remain lost in antinomianism and legalism. I pray for my old church weekly, but still feel like I should have done more before I left. It’s a sorrow to which I’ve become accustomed. Like the loss of a parent, the sadness never goes away, but you get used to it as time passes.
How to sum it all up? I wish I knew. My wife and children still attend a different church, and that situation isn’t optimal, but they come with me to Harvest from time to time. It is always an extraordinary joy for me to worship God with my family by my side. For now, I’m content to leave that in God’s hands to fix in His good time, and to praise him for the day of small things coming this Sunday. (Zech. 4:10)
I’m no longer a homeless Christian. Praise God!
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